This is a piece where we discover the story together as we go. I have just put down my pen, shutdown my work place computer and I’m now twiddling my thumbs across my phones keyboard. I don’t need to tell you, it’s been a while. In fact, it’s been 3 months. Three months of me trying and failing at writing. So here goes nothing…
We left off where I had this epic almost ice bucket like challenge realization. You know where the cold hits you right in the spine and sends shivers through to every last part or your body? Well in my case, the ice cold feeling was the hard realization that I was just another passenger in for a joy ride in my auto piloted life.
See I quickly jumped to the conclusion that when “He” said I had no plan, he meant financially. And so I pounced on that and did everything toward becoming a “smart money woman”. I put down my short term plans as well as the long term plans. I did my research on how to actualize those long term plans through financial institutions and small investments. I put down caps on my expenditures and looked for ways to grow the money I put aside in savings. And it felt good. For a while at least. The thing about life is, everything is interconnected, one way or the other. And because of human nature, we long for that domino effect, to see things fall right into place. Hence inasmuch as I felt proud of myself as I made these small changes, I slowly began to realize that my lack of planning stretched far wider than just my money habits. There were some big gaps in terms of the bigger picture and where it all led; the degrees and certifications, the job and the long hours, the hobbies I so rarely got to dive into. I had my ducks in a row, but they were headed nowhere, no destination, no clear sense of purpose. I woke up early every morning, got to work, worked my bum off, went to class after and then returned home exhausted all to catch a breather and repeat the same thing the following day. See to someone else…this is a plan, I’ll eventually get done with school, eventually get promoted and all will be well with the world, right? Wrong.
I thought as much too before I opened my eyes. This was routine. Routine was safe. Routine was predictable and I allowed myself to see my routine as my “plan”. I lost the luster and that ability to see life through dreamy eyes. See I liked my job, but i wasn’t necessarily allowing myself to enjoy it. I rushed to be ahead of deadlines…spent hours on end trying to be ahead of the curve and this eventually ate into my study time and into my personal time. Anyone else would say…this is focus…but essentially, what this is, is just a show of poor planning.
See a person with a plan, has time for everything they have chosen to take on in life. So if I did have a plan, I’d have enough time to do my job, and do it well, enough time for school and extra hours of study…and enough time to make new friends and dive into hobbies all without reaching burn out and living out a boring routine. So my ducks are in a row…I just need to figure out, where they are headed, how many at a time and possibly for how long….